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Monday, May 2, 2011

letting him go

Dylan, Summer 2008
Today Dylan left for school, and I knew I would not see or talk to him until Wednesday afternoon. *sniff sniff* It is the official departure day for the annual overnight 6th grade field trip. They are going to an outdoor adventure camp about an hour north of the city for 3 days and 2 nights of wild and crazy 6th grade fun!! God Bless those teachers! Ha!

I would be lying if I said I hadn't been slightly anxious about this trip for most of the school year over the last few days. He's only 11 years old! Yes, he is taller than I am, and his voice is changing....but he is ONLY ELEVEN! How can I let him go on an overnight trip like that? They can't be serious!?

At the beginning of the year, I comforted myself by saying, "well that is 8 months away, by then Dylan will be much more mature, and you will feel better about letting him go"...well 8 months has passed and I am still wondering if he is ready to leave for an overnight trip. I calmed myself by saying, well at least I could text him to make sure he was OK while he was gone. Then I realized that he couldn't take his cell phone. SERIOUSLY?!
 Talk about a leap of faith. I spent a good part of the day yesterday doing laundry, packing his bags, labelling his clothes, checking things off the list, and praying that he didn't get scared in the cabin at night. I packed his flashlight....and even extra batteries...ya know, just in case.

Along with extra socks, I packed clearly labeled bathrooms items....wondering if he would even open the soap. Likely NOT. As I packed his clothes, I thought that I wouldn't be surprised if he actually came back home in the clothes he wears to school tomorrow. LOL. I even felt like tying a ribbon on the brush end of his toothbrush so I could see if it even hits water while he is gone. I highly doubt it.

Maybe he will surprise me....

Maybe he will remember to change his clothes, use soap, and brush his teeth. To-be-sure he will...it is quite unsettling to know that I won't hear from him until I see him Wednesday afternoon. I packed a disposable camera so that he could take pictures of the fun they have, adventures they embark on, and mischief they get into on the trip. I hope he has a safe and memorable trip, and I know he will come home with lots of stories to tell!

Dyl & Mom, 2009
 After Chris left to take him to school, I realized that I thought I was worrying about how he will handle being away from home.....what I am really worried about is the fact that I am NOT ready to let him go.  No one really tells you how to handle this part of motherhood....when you have to trust that you have taught them well, step back, let go of the "control" and trust that they can handle some things on their own. I was never in control in the first place. Sigh. It is time for him to test out his wings a bit on his own...and I have to let him go (just a little).

While I wrestled with the emotions surrounding letting him go, it was oh-so-obvious that he was completely ready to go! He bounced down the stairs this morning, and didn't even take the time to eat breakfast...he was so excited as he ran out the door saying "bye, Mommmm!"

"Have fun, Dylan! I love you. Stay warm. Follow the rules"....and I let him go. 

"If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves, for childhood is fleeting and motherhood is forever" ~ Maria Edgeworth

1 comment:

karlie said...

I can't imagine that yet. Much less just plain letting my little man go to kindergarten! Hopefully I will be strong! You are such a good mama!

Deciduous Heather