HG Survivor


Cluster Maps

Recent Visitors

FEEDJIT Live Traffic Feed

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

just breathe

Yes, I was quoting a Faith Hill song, and yes, I have reached a new creative low. Lol, but seriously, I have missed blogging so much.

I noticed a significant decline in blogging that may or may not correlate directly to Karsen breaking her arm. We were forced to go on a gymnastics hiatus because of her injury, and Thursday nights were my 90 minutes of iPad/blog time that I could count on.

Otherwise, it ain't happening, folks...

Obviously, as you can see from my lack of posts. I've missed it, and lately I am trying to re-focus on things I love...

One of my younger patients passed away this past weekend. Today was a sad day. She was having a major surgery, and I was seeing her about every 2 weeks leading up to the surgery. She post-poned the surgery several times, and then finally decided to go ahead with it last week. I was supposed to see her again next week to check her labs. She was only 52 :( so young, and so sad. That is a rough way to start a Monday morning.

My job is very stressful. I am not complaining, but there is a certain level of stress when you know that decisions that you make have real life or death, potentially scary consequences. I take it seriously, and most days by the time I get home, I am on E. Empty. There are moments during the day I catch myself not really breathing. I have to catch myself and remind myself to breathe, deep. Sigh.

Some weeks are a BLUR. It is Friday night, and I am wondering where did the week go? And why am I so exhausted? Sometimes I wonder if this is what the "rat race" feels like? If so, I don't want to do it. I want to have time and energy for the people and things I love in life too.

I went to the doctor and had my yearly physical....(because it's the right thing to do). :) Good news, my cholesterol panel looks like I am a pure VEGAN. (Which, by the way, I am not....) and the bad news is there is NOTHING to explain my fatigue! I am perfectly healthy. This is GOOD news, but why do I feel this way?

It didn't take a genius (or a doctor) to tell me that exercise is good for me. I also can no longer live my life justifying that trips to the grocery storemy crazy commute and running kids to this and that practice constitutes daily exercise (no matter how much energy it consumes). I spend so much time making sure the kids make it to their practices and have playdates....that sometimes I find myself sitting perpetually on my own back burner. I have to take care of me too. Why is it so difficult for me to do that?

For that reason I am craving balance in the worst-kinda way. I am challenging myself to find it! Next week I start YOGA!

google images
 Evidently, I need to re-learn how to breathe (properly). Yes, I am starting with the basics. I am nervous and scared. For that reason alone, I know I should do it. I am looking forward to having an hour twice a week that will be dedicated to making me healthier. I will let you know how it goes!

Does anyone wanna wager bets that I fall the first night? Or that I will be the loudest mouth-breather in the whole room? Change begins with first step, right? Do you need balance to do YOGA? Oh my.

"Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths."
-Etty Hillesum

Monday, May 21, 2012

best concert ever (honest!)

I surprised Chris with what I thought would be a good gift for him this past Valentine's Day!

He has LOVED Alison Kraus for years! I have listened to her since the early 90s, so i was very excited too.....and she doesn't tour often. When I heard she was coming to Columbus, I knew I had to at least try to get tickets!

so....I got tickets! When Chris opened the Valentine's card I fully expected him to be happy and excited! I completely under-estimated how happy he would be. He was speechless!! Score one for Heather! Woo hoo!

He sat there.....and just stared at it in complete disbelief, I thought he might cry. LOL. He has always said (in a weird, morbid way) that he would want her to sing at his funeral. Her music is that beautiful and haunting to him. So, in the card, I wrote "I didn't want you to have to wait until you were dead to hear her sing. Surprise!"

He was beyond excited, he hadn't even heard she was coming to Columbus, so it that much more of a complete surprise to him.

Neither of us could wait to hear if she sounded as good in person as she does on the radio. I mean, who REALLY has such a perfect, angelic voice? She does, and it was.....

Simply, the best concert ever. It was just Alison Kraus & Union Station and a few stools. No smoke, no wind machines or laser show. Just simple instruments and her beautiful voice.

It was such a fun date night, and I loved the concert as much as he did. She sang all of my favorites, old and new. She was flawless, and most likely the most talented person either of us have ever seen or heard in real life. Period. Sheer talent.

And a seldom seen pic of US! Very blurry, please forgive me! I still like this pic of us. :)

Chris always gets me the best gifts, so i was very happy to make him speechless for once! He tried to top it with the gift he gave me, he came close, but not quite... ;) that's my next post.

Have you ever heard her voice? You will love. Promise.

Link to my fave song: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IZbN_nmxAGk
And Chris' fave: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NetGfCejUgo
If you want chillbumps....the highlight of the show for me:

Posted with love from my iPad
(In other words...please excuse the poorly, formatted pics :) )

Sunday, May 13, 2012

hopes and dreams

A year ago I graduated from Pharmacy School! It really was a dream come true. Can you believe it has been a year already?! That is crazy to me! At this rate, we will all be old before we know it. LOL. Seriously, this year has been a blur. I miss my Pharmacy School peeps. I think when you go through something traumatic with a group of people, a special bond is forged. It was indeed traumatic at times, and I miss them all! I hope everyone is as happy as I am a year later. I love my job. I owe you all an update about that very soon!

Chris told me Happy Mother's Day this morning, and the first thing I thought of was how much I ALWAYS wanted and hoped that I would be a Mom one day. I am so thankful for our healthy, happy children. Marrying Chris and then becoming a Mom was a dream come true for me.

I will probably always connect graduation with Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to my Mom. She really is one of the strongest women I know. Her life has been so challenging. She was a single mom of four at the young age of 26. How did you do it? All alone? How did you keep going from day to day? Thank you for perservering. I know you had so many hopes and dreams that were put on the back burner for years. You taught me many small and big lessons along the way. I am thankful for the time that we have been able to spend together recently.....as we have been in Baltimore, MD together visiting this chic... 

My sister, Suzanne, has been back in the hospital for 3 weeks now. She has had two more surgeries since I last blogged. To say that my heart has been heavy is an understatement. There were days where I felt like I struggled to breathe because I was so frustrated for her! I spent four days there last week while she was in the ICU. It is quite stressful to see the ICU critical care team hovering around your sister's room and hear words like "hemodynamically unstable".

YOU are the strongest woman I know, Suzanne. I am amazed at your fight and tenacity. I could not have made it through school without you. You helped with the kids, you were there with me all along the way. You spent the night if I had a 7am exam, and you made sure the kids got to school. You picked them up early and took them to McDonald's for ice cream when I had late labs. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

 I wish you could have walked across the stage with me, because I could not have done it without you. I love you. I believe in you, and I know that you can carry on and do anything that you want in this life. You have big things coming your way, so many hopes and dreams that you have kept holding back... After everything you have been through, I know everything else will be "small potatoes" (<< name that movie...). You can do anything!

 The good news is...she is doing AMAZING-ly well now! She has WOWed the doctors.  Her last surgery was this past Friday. She had a skin and quadricep muscle graft (Surgery Part II) to close a pretty extensive open abdominal wall. They essentially completely rebuilt her abdominal wall in Surgery Part I.  It was very complicated and it was touch and go in the ICU for a bit.

Now she is doing great. NO signs of infection. No longer hemodynamically unstable. No more intubation tube. I talked to her when I got home, and I heard something different in her voice. At first I thought it was the pain meds...LOL, but then I realized that it sounded like HOPE. She is starting to feel hopeful for the first time in a loooong time. She has been through SO much and I am amazed by her strength and spirit. I am just in awe.

Sisters 1980
Heather, Crystal, Suzanne
SHE is the strongest woman I know, and although she is not my Mother, she was there for me as we were growing up, and in many ways she assumed the Mother role when she didn't have to. I love her so much. I will keep you posted on her recovery. We are praying that in a few weeks that she will walk out of Johns Hopkins Hospital tube-free for the first time in 8 months. That will be a MIRACLE and the beginning of a new life for her. I hope.....

Deciduous Heather