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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

just breathe

Yes, I was quoting a Faith Hill song, and yes, I have reached a new creative low. Lol, but seriously, I have missed blogging so much.

I noticed a significant decline in blogging that may or may not correlate directly to Karsen breaking her arm. We were forced to go on a gymnastics hiatus because of her injury, and Thursday nights were my 90 minutes of iPad/blog time that I could count on.

Otherwise, it ain't happening, folks...

Obviously, as you can see from my lack of posts. I've missed it, and lately I am trying to re-focus on things I love...

One of my younger patients passed away this past weekend. Today was a sad day. She was having a major surgery, and I was seeing her about every 2 weeks leading up to the surgery. She post-poned the surgery several times, and then finally decided to go ahead with it last week. I was supposed to see her again next week to check her labs. She was only 52 :( so young, and so sad. That is a rough way to start a Monday morning.

My job is very stressful. I am not complaining, but there is a certain level of stress when you know that decisions that you make have real life or death, potentially scary consequences. I take it seriously, and most days by the time I get home, I am on E. Empty. There are moments during the day I catch myself not really breathing. I have to catch myself and remind myself to breathe, deep. Sigh.

Some weeks are a BLUR. It is Friday night, and I am wondering where did the week go? And why am I so exhausted? Sometimes I wonder if this is what the "rat race" feels like? If so, I don't want to do it. I want to have time and energy for the people and things I love in life too.

I went to the doctor and had my yearly physical....(because it's the right thing to do). :) Good news, my cholesterol panel looks like I am a pure VEGAN. (Which, by the way, I am not....) and the bad news is there is NOTHING to explain my fatigue! I am perfectly healthy. This is GOOD news, but why do I feel this way?

It didn't take a genius (or a doctor) to tell me that exercise is good for me. I also can no longer live my life justifying that trips to the grocery storemy crazy commute and running kids to this and that practice constitutes daily exercise (no matter how much energy it consumes). I spend so much time making sure the kids make it to their practices and have playdates....that sometimes I find myself sitting perpetually on my own back burner. I have to take care of me too. Why is it so difficult for me to do that?

For that reason I am craving balance in the worst-kinda way. I am challenging myself to find it! Next week I start YOGA!

google images
 Evidently, I need to re-learn how to breathe (properly). Yes, I am starting with the basics. I am nervous and scared. For that reason alone, I know I should do it. I am looking forward to having an hour twice a week that will be dedicated to making me healthier. I will let you know how it goes!

Does anyone wanna wager bets that I fall the first night? Or that I will be the loudest mouth-breather in the whole room? Change begins with first step, right? Do you need balance to do YOGA? Oh my.

"Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths."
-Etty Hillesum

1 comment:

Foursons said...

I'm so sorry to read about your patient. I don't think I could do a job that dealt with this harsh reality on a daily basis. I pray for peace and comfort beyond all understanding as you go through your days.

Congrats on acing your physical. That would never happen for me. I think yoga would be fun though.

Deciduous Heather